Tough Stuff

So I was just checking out some dates and it looks like if I’m not pregnant then I’ll start my period between this Thursday and Saturday. I’m not sure why my pregnancy test is scheduled so far out. It isn’t supposed to be until Monday the 22nd. But I should definitely know for sure before then. I just hate this waiting period. It is much more challenging this time than I thought it would be. I mean just look at the time! It is 4:42 am. I’ve been up since 4:00. This used to happen to me all the time when we were going through things to get pregnant with Jerry. Thankfully this is my first sleepless night. I must get it from my parents. They are staying with us now and both of them mentioned how they couldn’t sleep the night before. I think our renters aren’t sleeping either…I keep hearing coughing and sneezing coming from the basement 😦

So I’ve been going through training to be a licensed Kindermusik educator. Kindermusik develops curriculum for music and movement classes for 0-7 year olds. I decided to do this since I’m around moms of children this age all the time. Seems to be a natural step for me since I have a little boy in this age range. As part of my training I have to figure out my schedule and when I will begin teaching classes. Ha…ya right! Going through IVF makes it impossible to plan long term. So I put in my answer that I would start June 5th if I’m pregnant now, but if I’m not, and I have to go through this again, I won’t be able to start until mid-late June. I just don’t think it will be a good idea for me to start teaching something new while in the middle of a cycle. Let’s just hope I am pregnant now πŸ™‚ And then I won’t have to worry about any of that.

I don’t like wishing time away….but I am looking forward to this week being over with! I am going back to teaching this week, so I’m hoping that will make it go by faster. I have a baby sprinkle to go to on Friday. Not sure if that is a good idea or not 😦 If I start my period on Thursday, I don’t know that I’ll be up for celebrating someone’s pregnancy the next day. (a baby sprinkle means that it is a small shower because it is her third child). Yesterday we went to church and it was alot harder than I thought it would be. I haven’t struggled like that since Jerry was born. I just saw several women who have little ones Jerry’s age who are already pregnant. One in particular woman who has a boy Jerry’s age is pregnant with her 7th. I know I should be happy for these people…I just wish it was that easy for us. People that can get pregnant on their own just have no idea how good they have it! I know I shouldn’t have the “woe is me” attitude and that God has a reason why he chose me to go through this, but that is one of the reasons I have a blog. To let other women who are struggling to know they aren’t alone.

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